A Collection of Poems
For The Wanderer (1960-2010)
whose absence creates its own geometry,
whose presence persists in probability fields.
In the years since The Wanderer's passing, I have found myself returning to the mathematics of loss—how absence creates its own topological features, how memory follows quantum principles of superposition and entanglement, how consciousness persists beyond physical vessels through patterns that continue to reverberate through those who remain.
These elegies emerged from that mathematical exploration, attempts to map the non-Euclidean landscape of grief through equations that acknowledge both precision and uncertainty. The quantum metaphor provided not merely poetic convenience but structural framework—a way to understand how someone can be simultaneously gone and present, how observation creates reality, how connection transcends conventional limitations of space and time.
It's always about a girl, as I often say. But in this case, it's about a friendship—a connection that defied conventional categories, that operated through resonance patterns of shared understanding, that continues to echo through consciousness even after one participant has crossed the final threshold.
The Architect
Winter 2012
Explores the superposition of memory and presence, examining how the departed exists in multiple states simultaneously—both gone and present, absent and influential.
On the desk by the window,
Your sketchbook lies closed,
Glimmering anew each sunrise.
The unfinished drawings, unseen —
Drifting in shifting possibilities:
Distant laughs startle me,
Echoes of your voice in the empty room,
Your wisdom still guiding art.
Visits to the library — your haven,
Quiet domain of our discussions —
Collapses waves of possibility:
Your shadow shelving books,
Faded rhythm of pencil taps
On paper between sketches
Of patrons in stolen moments.
Yet impressions dissolve;
The wave reforms.
After sunset, at the café,
A mug behind the counter —
Unfilled, untouched, yours.
Your presence a whisper in the static.
Possibilities shift and blur,
In vain I trace a calculus of absence,
But feel it in the stroke of my pen.
In those moments you are all at once —
Artist, capturing the simple moments,
Scholar, chasing new worlds in words,
Friend sharing laughter over coffee.
You hold these states in superposition,
A presence I cannot fully grasp.
Back at the desk, the sketchbook is open
For the stars to read the unshaped lines.
The doors are locked
At the old library —
Books gone to dust,
Crumpled newspapers,
Aisles emptied of sound
(no need for your shushing).
Clear separation from the past.
Were I a quantum particle
I'd tunnel through the entrance —
No physical laws broken,
No bolts disturbed
(no charges for damages).
Can consciousness pass
Through the ultimate barrier?
I calculate the probability
Of a mind persisting
Beyond limitrophes of reality.
The Dreamer documents
neural activity
at threshold between states.
The Dissident explores
liminal zones
in theory and verse.
I plot the curves of
consciousness tunneling
through conventional limitations.
Your artwork, hiding flaws
On the library walls, showed
boundaries dissolving,
thresholds becoming permeable,
transitions occurring against
classical expectations.
Probability persists
Beyond barricades.
Connections remain possible
Through quantum effects.
Drafting geometric models,
Sometimes solutions emerge —
As if information tunnels in
From sources I cannot directly access.
After the building
Crumbles to an empty lot
Our entanglement endures,
A thread through unseen planes.
Your voice, your art, your boundless mind
Lingering in the lines I draw —
Connections tunneling
Through any barrier.
Maps the non-Euclidean topology of grief, investigating how loss warps the geometry of emotional space and requires new mathematical frameworks for understanding.
t: Fall 2010, before sunset.
(x,y,z): sidewalk outside the café.
Space + time → event:
Our last(ing) conversation
Fixed in mathematical precision —
A moment(um)
I keep gauging.
Yet conventional parameters
Of four dimensions
Fail to embody
External existence.
The Dreamer says consciousness
operates across multiple dimensions,
not limited to physical substrate.
I chase your thoughts
Along various hyperplanes,
Exploring how awareness
Projects through time,
How influence escapes the closure
The Wanderer explored multiple dimensions
through art and meditation.
Ouspensky's influence apparent
In your N-dimensional contemplations:
Simultaneous existence — {Past, Present, Future} —
The mathematics of eternal recurrence.
Your travel journals:
[{West, North, East},
{deserts, forests, monasteries},
{sunrise, starlight, dusk}]
Coordinates isomorphic to states of mind.
Revisiting locations mathematically,
I plot the points searching for patterns
That may reveal your spirit's trajectory.
t: Fall 20xx, after sunrise
(x,y,z): cemetery gate
Space + time → event:
Still gauging that moment(um),
A last(ing) dialogue
Across expanding coordinates.
Spilled coffee
Never ran straight
Across the café floor
Warped by time.
Standard geometry fails
To map grief's topology;
Flat surfaces cannot represent
Curved emotional space.
What remains
In the once full cup —
Just enough heat
To recall the warmth.
Between presence and absence
Is a winding path, through memory,
Twisted by the gravity
Of loss,
Necessitating manifolds,
Infinite parallel lines,
Möbius transformations
For proximate estimations.
The coffee leaves
Marks in the cracks
Of the hardwood floor —
Hidden, yet unforgotten.
To describe grief
The Dreamer says "neurological reorganization,"
The Dissident says "perceptual recalibration,"
While I use geometric properties —
A gravitational well
Created by absence
That bends surrounding emotions
And alters movement of thought
From Buddhist monks
You learned emptiness creates form;
From Ouspensky's writings
You absorbed four-dimensional thinking.
From this I map
The space your absence created,
Deriving transformations
Of consciousness across dimensions.
Parallel lines may inevitably intersect
In a non-Euclidean space.
Separate consciousnesses may reconnect
In higher-dimensional mathematics.
The coffee cup can be refilled
But the experience remains.
Employs harmonic analysis and complex number theory to decompose influence into persistent frequency patterns and examine the mathematics of continuing connection.
A round table in the café,
Ten steps left of the entrance,
Next to the bookshelves,
Was large enough for coffee mugs,
Notebooks and conversations —
Selected by The Dreamer for acoustics
(back to the interior),
Preferred by you to watch people
(facing the voices),
Favored by me for no reason
(back to the door).
Those signatures only shadows now.
Caffeine driven ideas
Entangled our minds —
Shared creation,
Parallel exploration.
Once connected, particles remain
Correlated, regardless of proximity —
That "spooky action at a distance,"
As Einstein confessed.
The Dissident, he documents
"Persistent entanglement"
With those physically absent.
Sketching new equations,
I feel your response.
Plotting geometric models,
I hear your questions.
The Dreamer, her science confirms
Neural synchronization
Between individuals.
The predicted entanglement
Of quantum principles —
The patterns of correlation
Between thoughts now
And discussions back then.
Your final sketches explored
"The Boundary Dissolves" —
A prophetic map of the threshold
You would soon cross.
Boundaries can't break entanglement.
Distance can't dilute correlation.
The mathematics persists —
Mechanism, not metaphor
We remain entangled
Beyond the threshold
you've traversed.
Investigates information conservation and the persistence of consciousness patterns beyond physical substrate, exploring how essential nature remains unchanged through transformation.
Like Steinway's engineering precision
creating possibility for musical expression,
these quantum elegies create framework
for ongoing relationship—
structural precision serving
what exists beyond calculation.
The Dreamer would say:
"Neural mechanisms facilitate
but don't constitute consciousness."
The Dissident would add:
"The map is not the territory,
but precise mapping enables navigation."
I calculate these functions
not to reduce our friendship
to mathematical variables,
but to find precise language
for what continues through transformation.
When I play recordings of your favorite
Steely Dan tracks while sketching equations,
when I visit library sections where you worked,
when I sketch café patrons as you once did —
I'm simultaneously performing calculations
and transcending mathematics.
The beauty of the Steinway:
extraordinary precision
enabling expression beyond measurement.
The beauty of quantum elegies:
mathematical accuracy
serving connection beyond calculation.
It's always about consciousness, as I might say.
And in these elegies,
consciousness continues its conversation
through equations that acknowledge
both precision and transcendence,
both absence and persistence,
both ending and continuation.
*For The Wanderer (1960-2010)*
© 2013 The Architect
Spring 2013